sometimes when you give something too much thought, you can't think of a solution.
sometimes when you give up thinking about it, a solution falls into your lap. the irony.

did i mention that i have decided to start becoming MORE sociable? yes, i did.
but sometimes you just want to spend time with 1 friend at a time. thats how i like it anyway.
learn to me YESMAN. imma NOMAN. i know.

i am always too late. when i get comfortable, it would be gone soon. if i die now, the only regret i have is being too afraid of getting to know people, and taking too long to 'warm-up'.

took too long,
too late.

hate the people who give you false information and false hope. stupid woman who told me i could definitely get a room now tells me that there arent available. if you arent certain then dont give a definite answer! i now have to stay at someone elses place, which i really dont want to. its so awkward. im old enough to take care of myself. its going to be so restraining.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
fuck the lady who gave me false hope.
fuck the fact that i have to co-habit with a group of people i dont know.
fuck the fact that i have to mind my manners.
fuck the fact that its awkward.
fuck all this fucking shit.

Thank you, by the katinas, jayesslee cover. Superb.
it was after dinner, and i was about to fall asleep when i realized something. my life took such a big turn. it all started with 1 person. and this turn is a good turn. (hopefully).


appreciate.

2nd week in, and its quite enjoyable. yes, my eyes become very heavy in the late afternoon after lunch, and there are days where you've done nothing productive. not because you werent doing anything, because whatever you had found was useless. FUTILE. but its quite gratifying at the end, win or loss. i guess one major factor would be the environment and it is wonderful. small, cosy. no politics. good boss. i mean real small. but its really nice. you dont have to take so much effort to talk to everyone, and theres no politics. maybe just not with this bunch. nice people. did i mention good boss? never scolds anyone, very easy going, smiles when you leave, doesnt pressurize you, buys you lunch and coffee. its because of that that you feel obliged to do your best. its the sincerity, that makes the place move. i think its the place that makes me look forward to the future. i think this is what i want to do. hopefully i can go back .

sincerity makes everything better,
sincerely, me.

note to self: buy a pair of shoes that do not bruise the middle toe in the near future, thanks.

'i have a lot to do before my time is up'.

okay, not true, i dont have alot to do.. phew, lucky i dont have many friends. heheh! so these past month ive had to make many decisions, all affecting the outcome of my future. sounds scary? it is. i remembered on a long night, when all these decision making was keeping me, tossing and turning in bed, i thought to myself, 'my friend had it easy, she didnt have to make these kinds of decisions because her parents made it for her'. she didnt have to go through the grueling process of weighing the pros and cons, the environment, the lifestyle.. after thinking about it, i realized, everyone's going to have to make a decision in life. maybe i'm the one who has it easy. i get to decide at such an early stage of my life. if anything goes wrong, MAYBE i can still turn back . (not that i have alot of life left in me but you know..) im glad i am able to make my own decisions. ive decided to go down this road, and so i bear the consequence. HAH! i dont have anyone to blame but myself IN CASE something goes wrong. its my passion, and i believe in a bigger God.

impossible is not a word,
just a reasons for someone not to try.

no i didnt make it. i cant believe it. how disappointing.

when it was brought up the second time did i gave it some serious thought. then i thought and thought and thought. and now less than i month and ive done the things that i wanna do. 12th day of july, 2011. we shall see in the next 2 weeks. and the other, 6 weeks.

i bet you think im typing gibberish. but what exactly is gibberish? what i'm typing or what you're thinking?
AH HAH!