Saturday, July 18, 2009
A bad apology is worse than no apology.
Apologies are not pass/fails. I always told my students: when giving an apology, any performance lower than an A really doesn't cut it.
Half hearted or insincere apologies are often worse than not apologizing at all because recipients find them insulting.If you've done something wrong with the dealings of other people, its as if there's an infection in your relationship. A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Working with groups was crucial in my classes, and friction between students was unavoidable. Some students wouldn't pull off their loads. Others were so full of themselves that they'd belittle their partners. By mid-semester, apologies were
alwaysin order. When students wouldn't do it, everything would spin out of control. So I'd often give classes my little routine about apologies. I'd start by describing the two classic bad apologies.
1)" I'm sorry you feel hurt by what I've done.(this is an attempt at an emotional salve, but its obvious you don't want to put any medicine into the wound)".
2)"I apologize for what i did, but you also need to apologize to me for what you've done.(that's not giving an apology, that's asking for one. )
proper apologies have 3 parts.
1) what i did was wrong.
2) i feel badly that I've hurt you.
3)how do i make this better?
Yes, some people may take advantage of when you answering question 3. but most people will be genuinely appreciative of your make good effort. they may tell you how to make it better in some small, easy way. and often , they'll work harder to help make things better themselves.
Students would say to me :" what if i apologize and the person doesn't apologize back?" I'd tell them" that's not something you can control, so don't let it eat at you".
If other people owe you an apology, and your words of apology to them are proper and heartfelt, you still may not hear from them for awhile.after all, what are the odds that they get to the right emotional place to apologize the exact same moment you do?so just be patient.many times in my career, i saw students apologizing, and several days later, their teammates came around.your patience will be both appreciated and rewarded.
one of my favourite chapters in the last lecture (check it out
here.) its a really good book with lots of life lessons to be learnt.
11:47 PM
Thursday, July 09, 2009
a persons mind is like an amusement park, because the things they think of, really amuse me. REALLY.
i cant work under pressure, or nervous.. damn these emotions ! chinese orals, im just hoping that i dont stastastastststaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmememer. -shucks.
and darn my cursed body, because plan A cant commence. How?
being at peace, is more than anyone should have. attain peace, and you'll feel great, trust me.
if my math is great, 101 days to the start of the Olevels. dang it. someone buy me some time. i'll rent the stall from you. (geddit?)
someone once told me' you have the right to get anger and not forgive if this thing will still affect and bug you this time next year' well said! someone congratulate me !
lesson 6:
i'll do anything i want,
i'll enjoy doing everything i need to.
i just thought of this during geography, while calvin and hobbes was flashing. (haha!)
10:43 PM